I have had these really weird feelings lately that make me moody and no one really wants to be around me. I googled the crap out of it last night, I am about 90% positive I am suffering from anxiety. I feel as though this is common for people my age and in my position. I read that anxiety is caused from feelings of uncertainty - that is EXACTLLY what it is for me. I am a cronic worry wart, always have been. I have notice the past couple of weeks this constant feeling of stress and worry but no ambition at all to do anything about it. I wish there was some way to fix this but I don't know how. I pray to God that I am not having a chemical imbalance depression like my mom, the last thing I want to do is be stuck on medication for the rest of my life - I think the anxiety I am feeling will go away once I get stuff for Oakland all figured out (ie classes, where im staying, ect) On a side note, I need a boyfriend. Like legit. You know I usually shy away from saying that cause I usually dont want a boyfriend, but I havent dated a guy in almost a year, I havent "talked" to a guy in maybe 3 months, it's just really odd for me. I usually do not have a problem with this, obviously Bay City is drying up. NOTE TO SELF NEVER TAKE ONLINE CLASSES EVER THE FUCK AGAIN. I really hate my online classes - I wish I didn't because I love my class schedule. You know, I would just love to be a bum in general, no obligations just living. You know, I wouldn't mind being someones personal maid or assistant, in fact I would probably love it. How you get into that kind of business I have no idea. Hmm I just am so lost as in to what I want to do with my life. I am passionate about few things, poms, music, friends, adventures and nature. How that I can lead to a career i have no idea. My eyes hurt, I really like talking. You know maybe journalism is something I want to do. It has always been in the back of my mind but I don't know. My eyes hurt and the wind is being scarry :x the whole house is cracking time to go take cover!

Disrespected.

I usually don't let things like this get to me but today they did. I had owed my 'friend' 40 dollars and hadn't paid her back. Some how I lost track of the money and never paid her back. This really wasn't that big of a deal, she canceled on me, had already bought the ticket, she is quite wealth, ect. So months later I get a text from the 'friend' and she asks for the money. Lately I have been short on cash flow so I jsut didnt text her back. Come to find out she logged into my facebook and read the IM conversation I was having about the situtation. She then logs onto her facebook to bitch me out about it. The topic of this ramble is Disrepect.

That is my private thing, you do not need to be logging on to it. I would never even think about doing something like that to you, or anyone. You must be fuckin demonic to even think about doing that, it's so messed up. Sorry I called you greedy, sorry you offered to buy me lunch all those times when I said I would pay. I'm sorry you don't see the world in the same light I do. I am completly positive 24/7 and today having a very sore spot is not making my day good at all. I go by this theory, that nothing is bad you can always make it good. For some reason this really gets to me. I feel that this individual needs a HUGE reality check. She lives day to day worrying about her image, what people think of her. She does insanity 3 times a day and thinks by not eating she will lose weight. Sorry hunny, we graduated High School that shit doesn't fly outside of it. No one cares what you look like or act like it's not your life to take in any diretion. Make a new group of friends. For a whole year you stole my best friend and the true reason why I hung out with you was so I could actually see my best friend. Sorry. I really couldn't stand you, the way you life. I have never meet someone so selfish and self consumming. One day you will meet someone so bull headed they are gunna rock your shit, and you are going to realize how selfish you are. I am going to keep on typing this out because I am so pissed. If you really knew me, you'd know I don't get mad EVER. Very few things have ever gotten me all fired up, jsut like this. I seriously have a problem with you and I would love to tell you everything that I find wrong in you but I RESPECT you. I will NEVER log onto your facebook to see the shit you have said about me because lord I know you have. I also have this huge hunch you are reconecting with an old rat of ours. FIRST OFF HE IS A DOUCHE, a trader, shaddy as hell. For some reason you think it is okay to go back and be his friend again. Newsflash, if you were her bestfrien you would realize that being his friend is a horrible idea. We know you have feelings for him that is more than friendly. He manipulates people have fun with that. One day when you have no friends.. oh wait. you already do becaus you have alienated yourself from the world. I am done for now. But for what you did todya I WILL NEVER FORGET. damnit.

Bullshit

Bullshit; the word the perfectly describes today. I am tired of being a backup plan or a side project if I am your FRIEND it's okay to hangout with me and stuff, I mean that's what friends are for. Well lately, my friends have SUCKED and I can not stand it. I am moving in December and I am so thrilled. I can think of maybe 4 people I will miss from here, and I am totally okay with that. I am ready for life to begin.