I am seriously letting myself down right now. Never have I fele t in such a deep hole. I feel like I am failing myself and putting on a show for my parents just liek I did in high school. I know it's not the end of the world and that this is nothing at all but emotionally it is taking a serious toll. I have stupid habbits that Ia am dieing to break. I can't keep disappointing myself like this, it isn't healthy. I need to get my act together. Missing those two quizes was me punching myself in the face, double hurt. My body and mind arn't matching up. my heart and soul and not seeing eye to eye and i need to get them on the same level. I foteel like I am still in high school, that I am just coasting and struggling to get tha C or B and if I get a D it's the teachers fault not mine. I can't take it anymore, the feeling of letting myself down. I honeslty thought those quizes were next sunday. I hope oakland is a new startand that it changes me. I really do. I need GOd back in my life, I need his help. I am tired of doing this on my own, I have lost touch with him. I want him back so badly it was better when I had a strong relationship with him. I had confidence. Now I feel like bones and skin lkeI don't have a soul or a mind that I am getting caught up in the trends. I wanna stand on my own. I wanna be me again. I am in a stuggle only I can feel. I need help. I want help. I am scarred to talk about this to anyone but this stupid blog. I can't think about htis anymore. When did I start staying up till 3 am and waking up at 10 or 11? this isnt me. I sleep because it shuts everything off. I hope when I wake up that everything that had bothered me the day before is gone. BLECK night.